BEYOND THE CELEBRATIONS: HONORING THE REAL "NEW NORMAL" THIS CANCER SURVIVORS MONTH

June is National Cancer Survivors Month - a time when we rightfully celebrate the resilience, strength, and triumph of the millions of people who have faced cancer and made it through. And if you happen to be sitting at home looking at the calendar and feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt because you aren’t ecstatic to be "back to normal," this doesn’t mean you’re doing survivorship wrong.

While there may be celebrations for crossing the finish line, it’s also important to acknowledge that there is an unspoken myth about life after cancer…the idea that healing is like hitting a rewind button. It may seem as if you or your loved one should be able to easily pick up exactly where things in life left off, but the physical and emotional toll of a cancer diagnosis changes everything. 

This month, we honor the true reality of survivorship - the celebration and the continued challenges that come with it.

The “Old Normal”

In the midst of cancer treatment, one’s world can easily shrink. Life changes and becomes a schedule of doctor appointments, lab results, and survival protocols. People may find that they tell themselves, “If I can just get through this, things will go back to how they were.” The challenge here is that no one can actually rewind cancer coming into their life. 

A cancer diagnosis is a massive event. It changes one’s physical capacity, shifts how one processes and expends mental energy, and fundamentally alters one’s worldview. A glaring example of how that world has changed is the arrival of “scanxiety” (scan-related anxiety) - the distress experienced as routine follow-up cancer-related scans/imaging approach. Your pre-cancer self never had to manage the unique trauma of walking into a hospital or clinic, smelling that specific clinic soap, and waiting for a test result that dictates your entire future. When living in three-or six-month increments between scans (or whatever the unique interval is for you or your loved one), the relationship with time and safety is permanently changed.

Expecting yourself or a loved one to resume a pre-cancer life easily would be similar to witnessing a huge storm hitting a coastline and expecting the shore to look exactly the same, site untouched.   

Giving yourself permission to grieve who you were before the cancer diagnosis is important. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t grateful to be alive today - but it is a natural acknowledgement of what has changed as a result of a significant experience.

The pressure of wanting to hit the rewind button

Moving through challenging times in life can be messy and painful. It’s natural for us as humans to want to fast forward or rewind through certain aspects of life - especially tough parts. It’s also natural for those that love us to want the same exact thing - it can be hard to watch a loved one struggle.

You want to feel happy, healthy, and “cured." And your loved ones want that for you too. It would make sense for you and your loved ones to operate with the unintentional assumption that hitting the rewind button to life pre-cancer is what should happen.

Protecting your peace during survivorship may mean that disappointment is present - disappointment from those (including yourself) waiting for the “old you” to return. It’s okay if that disappointment shows up. It’s also okay to focus on healing and meeting yourself exactly where you are right now. 

Cultivating the “New Normal”

So if a pre-cancer life no longer fits, what happens next? Establishing a “new normal” isn’t something that happens overnight, but it is something that can be intentionally cultivated in time.

Here are some things that may be helpful as you explore a new normal:

• Auditing of Personal Priorities

  • Look critically at pre-cancer commitments. What mattered then that feels entirely irrelevant now? Whether it’s a grueling work schedule or a habit of people-pleasing, give yourself permission to leave it behind if it’s no longer serving you.

• Redefining Personal Boundaries

  • Physical and emotional energy reserves are different now. Practice saying a firm, guilt-free "no" to invitations, projects, or favors that drain you. There’s no explanation needed for making choices that protect one’s health.

• Honoring of New Constraints

  • Managing post-treatment realities like fatigue, joint pain, or the emotional weight of scanxiety isn't a sign of failure - it’s simply the new landscape being navigated. Treat your body with the same gentleness you would offer a friend recovering from a major trauma.

• Identifying New Joy

  • There is a blank page in front of you. Explore new hobbies, seek out quiet spaces, and find things that bring you peace now - even if those things are completely different from what you used to enjoy.

• The Opportunity of the Blank Page

  • While the loss of the “old normal” can be a challenge, it can also be an opportunity. Survival is absolutely something to be celebrated. And now, you get to intentionally choose how you move through life next. Your old life no longer fitting doesn’t mean that anything is wrong - it means you’ve outgrown what once was.

Even with the opportunity that a blank page may afford us, the reality of living in the "after" can be messy and complex. Remember that you don’t have to navigate this alone. Sometimes having space to talk through all the messiness with someone who is not a family member or friend can be incredibly helpful. Flatwater exists to connect anyone touched by cancer with mental health therapists to help heal and navigate what lies ahead. We are here for you.